Tonight, I share just a little bit more… maybe too much?

9 05 2012

Through out the past couple years I’ve been doing this blog I’ve always touched on the subject of love and relationships.  Ok, maybe just a few posts but the past few months I’ve been trying my hardest to keep myself from falling into these crush modes of stupidity where I believe I’m crushing on someone when in actually it’s more like “Dude, I hella dig that girl.”

Now, I’ve always been brutally honest on my blog sharing personal feelings and I’ve done really well in keeping everything about myself transparent to my readers.  Why? Not to tell my life story, but connect with those who read my blog regardless if we will ever meet in the real world.  Connection is part of human nature and we do this on a daily regardless if you know it’s happening or not.  So with that said, lend me your ears and let me sing you my song.

As humans it’s natural for us to be attracted to someone at any degree, this is why we have friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, lovers and crushes.  We’re attracted by a common interest which then filters through the above categories mentioned above.  I truly believe that these connections and attractions are obvious and get better with time when you constantly grow together, learn more about each other and support each other.  Again, this holds true with any kind of relationships.

Crushes have been something that has been hyper sexualized or completely exaggerated in movies, this I learned quickly in high school.  My early years in high school I can honestly say that I was never part of the popular crowd,  I was a chubby kid where girls would walk by me like I never existed.  In my head I always thought I’d run across that one girl where our eyes would meet, the crowds in the halls would part ways and this energy pulls us together.  Sounds like a surreal experience doesn’t it?

Brutal honesty, I never had a steady girlfriend in high school and was always the third wheel with my friends who always had girlfriends or always had girls around them.  This never really bugged me through out high school because the main goal in my mind was when I graduate from this god forsaken town, I was going to make my way to California.  I had many crushes in high school which I never acted on mainly due to the fact that I believe I wasn’t good looking enough to be able to woo that “beautiful” girl.  I was so blinded by exterior beauty that I forgot how intricate and how beautiful it is to learn how someone ticks, what they are passionate about, what they hate, what they love, what things during their day either ruined it or made it 10 times better than the last.  The social norm portrayed in Teen movies was making itself reality.

It wasn’t until I was 16 when I realized my love for music and wanting to pursue it in any way possible.  No one in my high school ever saw this side of me until my friends and I decided to do our high school talent show.  6 guys on stage, crooning their hearts out to Blackstreet’s “Before I let you go” nailing each and every harmony.  We ended the show with a couple thousand of my school mates on their feet cheering and screaming.  It was at that point where my high school life completely changed.  Popular kids started talking to me, the jocks weren’t so overbearing toward me anymore and the girls started to talk to me more.  Yes, I sang, and I was in a singing group, but I was still that chubby kid on the outside that no one really took the time to get to know the soul that was belting out those melodies.

High School came and went, I got all my self esteem from music and dated girls on the false pretense that because I could sing, I was the perfect guy.  I disregarded what really made me tick and what I truly wanted in a girlfriend/partner.  I was crushing left and right mistaking it for love and in the end I was either the person that inflicted the hurt or the hurt was inflicted on me.  I was going into relationships without truly being sure it’s what I wanted or if the person wasthe right one.  Attractions became highly sexual and my heart was broken many times.

Fast Forward….

Going back to my initial thought at the beginning of this blog post, the past few months have been months of growth with lots of time to think since being canned from my job on April 1st 2012.  I re-recognized my passions and my dreams and remembered what it was that made me tick…

Family, Friends, Love, Community

I became that chubby high school kid again where I knew who I was at that point in time, I knew what my passions were and I knew what made me wake up every morning.  But now, my self esteem in a much better state, I can honestly say I have finally become the man I’ve always wanted to be and continue to strive to be an even better man then I was today, yesterday, last week, last month last year.

So to crush or not to crush… yeah, I can honestly say in the past month I’ve crushed and continue to crush. It’s only human and I am confident enough in my own skin and environment to appreciate an innocent crush.  When you meet someone you connect with right away of course you are going to crush and eventually like them, and from my past experiences as mentioned in this post, be truthful to yourself. Be honest in everything you do which represents the person  you are, when you hide from something you only lie to yourself and the beautiful person standing in front of you.

JayBee do you like this girl?

Most definitely!


Let me re-introduce myself…

25 11 2011

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve written my thoughts and rants for the whole world to see.  Ok, maybe not the whole world but for my readers who have kept up with my posts throughout the past couple years.  Your feedback, comments and e-mails have been great to read, even the hateful ones, suckas will be suckas and haters are gonna hate!

Since my last post I’ve gone through several changes in my life that have been quite the experience and I would have to say a turn for the best.  Back in August, I left the job I was working at due to circumstances that could have been avoided but were not.  My daughter and her mother are going to be moving to Montreal temporarily to be with my sister and her family, this one I’ve struggled with the most but I know for a fact that it will only benefit the relationship I have with Kaya’s mom and also will allow Kaya and her cousin Tala to really bond and get to know each other.  Family is super important to me and I believe you need to build those bridges because when it comes down to it, family will always end up being there for you regardless.  This is a big step for Kaya’s mom and I respect her in making that decision as I believe that it will be an unforgettable experience for both her and Kaya.  Yes, I will be a wreck while she’s gone, but I will do everything I can to visit them as much as I can.  It’s also going to force me to struggle not having my daughter around, and I’m sure I’m going to learn some new things about myself.

Change is a necessity in life, without it, our lives would be mundane and with no excitement.  One person a few weeks ago asked me why I haven’t found that special someone  yet.  My response to her, “… at this point in my life, it’s not a priority..”.  If a relationship was a high priority for me, I’d be misisng out on a lot of things that is going on in my life and the lives of those I truly care about.  As humans we long for love and when we have it, we sometimes take it for granted.  I’m completely content with those I care about around me, as they give me far more than any relationship could give me right now.  I stick to crushes at this point… you guys know who you are 😉

I’m on a path to change, new struggles, new activisms, and new goals.  2011 was rough and I’m looking forward to 2012.  Keep checking back on my blog as I’ll be writing more and more and will not take another break from blogging!

With that being said… let me re-introduce myself… 😉

How can we trust our nations Immigration laws to a Racist?

14 03 2011

Today, my comrades stood firm in confronting Canada’s Minister of Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism.  In true coward form, he hid from the people, hiding behind RCMP and Police Officers.  If you are part of this country’s leadership, and you are promoting “Multi-culturalism”, shouldn’t you listen to what the people have to say?  Shouldn’t you open your arms and ears in understanding who and how your laws and policies are effecting immigrants, refugees and temporary foreign workers?  Isn’t the basis of democracy “for the people, by the people”? 

How can this nation be a champion of Multiculturalism when Systemic Racism is deeply rooted in the very leaders of this nation.  Where workers from the third world are being exploited and opressed in Immigration programs like the Live-In Caregiver Program the Temporary Foreign Workers Program.  Under these racist programs, professionals are de-skilled to work labour instensive jobs in which low pay and horrendous hours are the norm.  There is no governing organization to specifically look at cases of abuse and mis-treatment.  What these racists do.. is deport. 

In times of need, did this nation stand up to protect the tamil refugees that landed here last year?  NO, what did they do? Detain them in jails.  When a Temporary Foreign Worker became critically ill, did they allow their family from the Philippines to be by their side in this crucial time of need? NO! 

I’m appauled by Minister Kenney’s cowardice to talk to the people. 

In truth, I believe Minister Kenney should be wearing a white hood to show his true colours.  The people of this nation have taken enough.  It’s time you listen to the calls of our communities, or the same events that happened in Egypt may materialize right here in our own backyards. 

If you hadn’t heard Minister Kenney,  Democracy includes the people… citizens or non citizens… it’s our human right! 

So I commend you Minister Kenney, in proving to us all that you’re a racist. 

Just in case you don’t know… here are just a few simple facts about Minister Jason Kenney (*taken from No One Is Illegal Article on Vancouver Media Co-Op :

* Kenney’s record:

– The number of refugees allowed into the country has dropped by 25% under Kenney (Source: Toronto Star, Feb. 19 2011)

– According to Citizenship and Immigration Canada’s annual report the number of refugees who had their asylum claims approved dropped by 56% over the past four years.

– This annual report also revealed a decreasing “target” of 11,000 people in the number of accepted asylum seekers and sponsored family members.

– The number of family class immigrants accepted into Canada has dropped by 10,000 since the Conservatives took power. (Source: Toronto Star, Feb. 19 2011)

– The government has decreased skilled worker visas by about 20 per cent (Source: CBC News, Feb. 14 2011)

– Despite assuring Parliament that admissions in the parents and grandparents visa category would remain stable in 2011, internal documents reveal that Kenney is planning on slashing parent and grandparent visas by more than 25% in 2011. (Source: The Link, Feb. 20 2011)

– Since, 2008 the number of temporary foreign workers (>250,000 people) in Canada now exceeds the number of permanent residents (<250,000 people). (Source, CIC statistics 2008)

– Most recently, Kenney’s refugee Bill C-11 has created a racist two tier legal system based on nationality.

– Kenney supports Quebec’s Bill C-94 that discriminates against women who wear the niqab (face veil) by denying them essential public services including health and education, thus perpetuating gender inequality by forcing Muslim women not to wear certain clothes.

– Kenney spoke against a UN report documenting poverty, discrimination, and racial profiling in Canada.

– Kenney has labelled Iraq war resisters as bogus refugee claimants.

I’ve been thinking…

25 02 2011

My life has been a constant struggle.  Regardless of how grounded I may seem or how nonchalant my demeanor may be.  I think for all of us as human beings, we’re constantly going through struggles.  In varying degrees ofcourse, which we all try to understand or should try to understand in a general way.  BUT, People of Colour go through struggles that even the most progressive Caucasian CAN understand but will never know what’s it like.  I’m not saying that Caucasian’s are not a key element to our struggles as a community, their comradery and work for abolishing the racist capitalist state is what has aided us in getting to where we are now. 

As a community organizer in the Filipino community here in Vancouver, I’ve always asked myself why the members of our community can be hard to organize.  Most times their feelings toward the movement are “What’s the use? Nothings going to change anyway.”  Or they believe that everything is ok since they are making good money with all their kids in school getting an education.  Although, it is an amazing thing that they believe they’ve reached their goals as their main reason for leaving the Philippines, they have not realized what this current wave of migration is going through or even have personalized and internalized why they moved out of the Philippines in the first place.  My point to this is that, I respect and welcome the efforts of our Canadian comrades and I truly believe that without their help, support, work and integration into opressed communities we wouldn’t have the strength and numbers as we do now.  BUT, we need the people.  We need our community to be the faces of our next generation.  To educate and stir up thinking within our youth.  Our People, people of oppressed communities need to be the faces that the state sees.  Through numbers, and through action… change will come!!! Egypt is proof of that… and as we see civil unrest growing in overseas nations.  The possibility of a global revolution is definitely on the horizon. 

This blogpost is not to discredit the work of our Canadian Comrades, but the need of our communities to stand up and stand out.  If you have taken offense to this blog post, take another read and if you still feel offended, then contact me.

We as organizers will never put ourselves above the masses… but we will fight alongside, to produce leaders, forward thinkers, progressives, educators, revolutionaries…

We can read as much Mao, Lenin, and Marx that we can.  We can discuss ideology and theory for years and years.  We can sit around and create strategies for organizing the community.  But no change will ever occur if we do not put action and practice to our words. 

To all those “Armchair” Revolutionaries out there reading this… get off your ass and integrate with the people.  Educate the people, mobilize the people… sitting around talking about it doesn’t change one god damn thing. 

So next time someone makes a comment or asks you a question why do you do all of this work?  I would answer “Because I want change… our current state benefits from our struggles.  It needs to stop…”

What are YOU going to do?

Is it necessary? Valentines day? Seriously?

14 02 2011

Throughout the year, we celebrate certain days specifically for historic anniversaries and certain holidays like Christmas and Halloween.  But today, is a day that’s either loathed or spent happily with your significant other.  Valentine’s Day is one of those days where we celebrate with our partner, be it a date, chocolates, presents, and gestures that speak from the heart.  Now coming from a single guy, I could sit here and tell you how much I loathe this “holiday”, but I won’t.  For a lot of people, they look forward to this day, and I really don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble.  Yes, I am single, I’ve been single for quite some time now and to be honest with you although there are a few people I have taken an affinity to… I would still show my love for them on a daily.  Wishing them a good day, telling them I love them, asking how their day went, and giving them a big hug when I greet them.  I don’t do that out of technicalities, I do that because I truly care.  And I believe that this is what the world lacks.  We do NOT need a single day out the year to show our love.  Showing our love should be a daily ritual… not only for keeping the fire going, but to also make sure that your loved ones, your partner, your wife/husband, your family all know that you think about them constantly.  That is love…  So for those people out there, who get’s these texts from me, or even get a hug when they see me or when we part ways… that’s a simple reminder from me that I truly care… I truly appreciate the impact you have on my life… and I appreciate the time you take out of your busy life, to spend some time with me. 

To all the couples out there, I wish you all a grande evening.  Whether it’s a date at a fancy restuarant, chocolates from the one your love, hugs from those that care about you… I wish you all a beautiful evening.  I hope that what you take away with from this day, is not how many chocoaltes you got, or what kind of diamond ring you got… it’s the fact that someone cares about you and loves you.  Never take your partner for granted, or the people around you that care for you.  Don’t let the next best thing pass you by, take risks, love the ones that need love, and show love to those who don’t have it. 

So what is a single guy going to do on this day of love?  I’m going to make sure that everyone that truly impacts my life on a daily… knows that I’m appreciative and that I will never take them for granted.  You all contribute to my life in a small and big way… that 1 day will never be enough to fully show you how much I care.  With that being said…

I may not send you chocolates (although there are a few out there who I believe deserve it) or even a Valentine’s day card, but understand that I’m always thinking about all of you. 

And to all those who are scurrying out to buy flowers and chocolates…. text me… I’ll give you my address… I like chocolates too!!!

Let’s Marinate and Conversate… again!

3 02 2011

Throughout my life, I’ve come across crossroads in making decisions and also paths that I want my life to follow.  I’ve always been pretty good at keeping myself in check but also very open to others keeping me in check.  Because seriously, if we didn’t have friends, family or kasamas to help us stay in check how else can we grow as human beings and parents.  Thank you, to my family, friends and kasamas who continually make sure that I am on the right path, and not faltering from my goals but at the same time enjoying everything and everyone around me!

Myself, and my kasamas volunteer our time as much as we can in helping our community acknowledge and overcome obstacles that the filipino community faces on a daily.  On top of our day jobs, and our personal lives we are still here trying to create change not only in the community but on the international level.  We live lives of constant struggle each and every day, facing new challenges and overcoming them.  It’s a lot to juggle and I know that we are all struggling at some level or degree to keep the work, and our lives going.  Through hard times and good times we take breathers to commend our kasamas in a job well done and share in the successes of our work.  I believe that through hard work, it’s important to decompress once and a while and sit back, as downtime is important in keeping our minds sharp and alert. 

During my decompression period I like to spark up a nice joint, it helps me clear my mind, helps sooth any muscle pains and really does the job as far as decompressing.  In moderation, Marijuana is a far superior alternative than alcohol.  It’s healing properties and it’s ability to help sooth aches and pains (Physically), is something that a lot of prescribed medication can not do.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy consuming alcohol once and a while but to tell you the truth, it causes me to lose touch with reality.  Sometimes making me say stupid things, and sometimes makes me act in a way that is not myself.  It impairs my motor skills and it causes memory loss from the time I get drunk… until the time I pass out.  How many times have you gone out… got super wasted and then realized you don’t remember that night.  When I was younger, going through my hardcore binge drinking days.. I was faced with a morning of questions.  I choose pot to decompress, why?  Because I believe alcohol is far more damaging to oneself rather than weed.  The difference? One is legal and the other is illegal.  Coming from a province where Marijuana is tolerated by our local law enforcement, it goes to show that it’s a harmless herb that has far more pro’s than con’s.  I’m not hating on those who choose alcohol, but if you’re smart about your pot smoking and your not sitting around all day just smoking pot and doing NO work… then there’s an issue.  If drinking is your thing… by all means, do what you gotta do, but let me do what I gotta do.  Don’t judge me for sparking a Joint mainly on the reason that it is illegal.  With prescription drugs, you’re putting man made chemicals into your body that have massive side effects and can also cause hardcore addictions.  And THAT my friends is the legal shit.  Cannibas on the other hand… main side effect… munchies……? 

In this ever changing and evolving world, we have to change and adapt to make sure that what we do is also current and will apply to how this world is rapidly changing.  We have to understand that things people did 20 to 30 years ago may not apply to today.  In this instance, marijuana is not the drug that kills people or makes people addicted.  That’s a myth that was disproven years ago.  I’m not an advocate for pot smoking nor am I telling you all to stop drinking and pick up a joint.  All I’m saying is that before you pass judgement, educate yourself on this topic, whether you smoke pot or you don’t. You’ll understand that it’s more helpful than detrimental.  The capitalist world is what’s keeping marijuana illegal, their black propaganda hides the truth of the healing abilities that THC has.  Thus allowing the Pharmaceutical market to make millions each year.  Slowly killing many people with legal drugs that can easily be aided with Cannibus.

Like I said earlier, in moderation, Cannibus can be a helpful tool.  If you become enveloped in it, and you’re sitting on the couch all day… then you need to re-think things.  For those of us, who continue our lives and progress toward change and social freedom… Cannibus allows us to relax and clear our minds… ready for the next hurdle to overcome.

You can pass judgement to me all you want but in the end, I know that I always do what I have to do to get the job done, and marijuana DOES NOT change my perspective in what I believe in and what I fight for.  I love my life and all aspects of it… I love the people that surround me on a daily basis… and for those that may have a problem with it.. you have every right to.  Educate yourself…. I have…

In life we make many life changing decisions… smoking a bit of weed should be the least of your worries…


Taking the Plunge!

27 01 2011

Before the beginning of this year, I wrote a blog about going back to school to become a High School teacher.  As this is still one of my dreams, believe me it will happen, I’ve decided to act upon a dream of mine I’ve had for a long time.

Over 4 years ago, I made a realization that I wanted to be an entrepreneur.  I wanted to have a restaurant, I took a step back from that dream/idea and began breaking it apart as far as my own capacity to be able to run a restaurant.  After researching and considering my options I came to realize that it’s a cafe that I want to own and run.  So with that being said, I’m putting my aspirations to become a teacher on hold.  I thought that, my availability and choices I will have after my cafe is up and running is that I can then attend school.  As far as my schedule now, it would be impossible for me to work full time, go to school, and take care of my beautiful 4 year old daughter Kaya.

If there’s one thing that I’m good at, it’s making people happy through food, music and face to face interaction.  I want a cafe where people can come into a relaxed environment and enjoy the community that we all love so much.  It will be a place to hear good live music, to eat amazing fusion and traditional filipino fare, and to be able to integrate and talk with the community in making the situation here in Canada not only better for the Filipino community but all oppressed communities in Vancouver and the lower mainland.  It will be an open space for community organizations to hold events, share their art, their stories, their struggles.  The cafe will be an outlet for collective thinking and collective living.  Pushing the boundaries of a Community business to the next level. 

To all the kasamas who’ve been by my side throughout the years know how important this is to me, I want to thank you for never allowing me to trash this idea and only helping me catapult this idea and dream into reality.  I’m building this business for the community, my family and my kasamas.  This is why the initial name for my cafe will be “Kasama”.  Dedicated to the very people who have helped and molded me to who and what I am today. 

If you’ve ever walked into a cafe and felt like you don’t belong due to the bourgeious/contemporary ambience of a Starbucks and frou frou coffee shops and felt like you were out of place… in 2012 there will be a biz in town that will allow you to be exactly who you are… a filipino. 

In life, we realize what our calling is.  I’ve realized my calling is to educate, although teaching would be the most direct… educating on the community level is my true love.  Through food, music, and community we can educate the masses…

Serve the People….